Honest Moment...

So let's have an honest moment,

a word vomit, a vent session, 

a letting it out time or whatever you want to call it.

I can easily look at my life and see how much I have grown.

I can look back and see all I have learned.

That is so obvious.

It is also obvious that it hasn't been the easiest road.  

Tears have been shed, hopeless moments felt, 

loneliness tried to take over, doubt crept in and the feeling of giving up.

But I haven't given up.  

All those hard times have helped to shape me and for that I am thankful.

Here is the honest moment.

I still feel bound, help back, as if there is something in my way.

Something that is keeping me from fulfilling my purpose.

I thought about it yesterday and I can honestly say that I know what it is.

It is one of my parents.  

I often have to walk on egg shells.

"Do this Edith so that they don't get mad. 

Try this so that they don't get angry with you."

But let's be honest.  

In their eyes I will never be good enough.  

I will never measure up.

 I am really OK with that.  It doesn't bother me.

Do I wish it was different?  Sure I do but I can't change anyone.

And I will not waste time wishing for something that I don't have control over.

So how do I do it?

What does being set free from that look like?

How do I live under one roof with them and honor them

,as my parent, without feeling bound and not causing conflict within our family?

To be continued...